Monday, August 22, 2011

My Funny Bone is Gone, and Might Never Come Back

So Snarksters,

I don't know if I've found my funny bone yet. I kept waiting for it to show-up and like a missed period, I got that fluttery sinking feeling that it might just be gone, for good (or at least nine months). It could be the sinus infection that sent it running off, or it could be that I actually had to do work last week at my job (this is shocking, I know. I mean how the hell am I supposed to post, when I have to work, tsk tsk). At any rate, it's missing, and I miss it.

Without my funny bone I've become a regular old stick in the mud. Everything seems washed in sepia tones of BLAH. I was even (most likely), a very terrible patient this weekend because instead of laughing off my brush with death via my sinus cavity, I stayed miserable, and curled up on the couch, much like a hermit crab without it's shell. All my squishy parts everywhere... it was NOT pretty. I'm also 100% confident that the phubster was not a big fan of said missing funny bone either. It could also be that I had him jumping around to please my every whim and desire while I continued to languish away.

Did I fail to mention that The CryBaby also has a sinus infection too. He was not a very happy camper either. In fact the two of us pretty much gave the finger to the rest of the world, and stayed miserable in ours. He also does not like saline spray. He may have back handed me several times for this abuse.

Tonight I will go to a "Back to School" orientation meeting for the Little Monster. It will be for her Four Year Old Preschool Class. I will sit there with all the pretentious mothers that act like their child is a genius, that their family is too good for this school, and that they have better things to do (like getting a manicure, or more botox) than to sit there and listen to what their child will be learning this year. As I back my Pontiac Vibe out of the parking lot, I'm sure to be cut off by various Mercedes SUV's, Escalades, BMW's and the like. I highly doubt I will find my poor little funny bone there either.

Oh and did I mention that this is State Funded Preschool Ya'll....

I sometimes think that God/Fate/Devil/Destiny/Karma/Whatever the hell is out there is laughing at me. I'm pretty sure not only did they try to impale me with lemons, they also told me to shove them up my ass. I keep asking my Magic 8 ball for a better reading on the future, and all I keep getting is "outlook not good."

That's just fucking great isn't it.

So, that's it. I am now on the desperate hunt for my funny bone. I need it back. I need it back now. It may be the only way to survive the rest of this week/my life in general. Because we're such good friends and all, should you find my funny bone I'm willing to do some type of menial labor for you in return. No-->I said menial, not demoralizing.... you people.... jeesh.

In the meantime, an open letter to my funny bone:

Dear Funny Bone,

Where are you? Please come back. I am losing my shit without you.


Ever lost something intangible and spent weeks trying to get it back? No, I don't want to hear abut your grove..............but share. Sharing is caring.